I would stand on a mountain top and scream at the top of my lungs how proud I am to be the father of my son, Maxwell, who turns 2 today.  Well, I most likely would not be able to scream because I would be crying.  Those of you that know me well know this to be true.  Maxwell is more than worthy of my tears of pride, joy, humility and soulfully deep love.

Even since before my sons were born I have been writing them letters.  For holidays, their birthdays, after family vacation, while I am on a plane for a business trip or when something seemingly simple yet profound happens.  They each have their own album of letters and my hope is to present them with the letters on the day they graduate high shcool.  And yes, I do think if something should happen to me that they will have my written word on what they mean to me, a few lessons thrown in there, and images of my life with them.  Below I share the letter I wrote Maxwell for his 2nd birthday.  I share it because it is something some of you could be doing for varying people in your life.  Something that could have a profound affect on them later in life.  But mostly I share to share my joy and pride.  I am indeed a “Proud Papa”…very proud!

Dear Maxwell,

My precious son, Happy Birthday! Today you turn 2. I just told your mother yesterday that in some ways it has gone too fast and in other ways it seems like many years ago that we were at the hospital with you. I think it is just that I simply cannot picture my life without you. This family has been enriched by you in so many unimaginable ways and today we celebrate you….your life, your cheer, your brilliance and radiance. We are incredibly thankful for you presence in our lives.

I wanted to take a few minutes to catch you up on YOU…although it seems we can never literally  catch up with you. You have changed quite a bit since writing to you on your 1st Birthday. You say a lot of words. Probably our favorite words you say are “pasafaaaayyyyyeeeee” (pacifier), and “ok” (simple word but the way you say it melts us). My selfishly personal favorite words you say are when you say your brothers name, “Jashon” and when I hear you call “Daddy” when I am not in the room. You can’t see me when you do, but I smile every time…sometimes tear up.

Beyond progressing with your running and talking, you have developed quite the personality. You have to be the most sensitive and loving little man. Last week you threw a toy car at me and it hit my ankle bone and I yelled “Ouch”. Your face dropped and you ran up to me, rubbed my leg, then buried your head in the bean bag. I picked you up and you hugged my neck….such a sad face…you didn’t mean it and your affection touched me and your mother as we witnessed your emotion.  You are such a sensitive, caring little guy. I hope that when you are older and read this you still remain sensitive and understand it is not only acceptable to be this way as a man but admirable.  The world is going to need you…you will touch many lives.

The flip side of this is you take no crap. Your mother and I say it must be because you are the youngest in the house, but whether it be Jaxon or another kid, my advice to them is not to mess with you 🙂 If someone messes with you, you can see something flip in your eyes and then you approach the person and start swinging like you are hitting a punching bag.  Listen, I do not want you fighting when you get older and I don’t like you hitting anyone now. But I do and always will want you to stand up for yourself. There is a fine line and I am confident you will come to understand that as you grow older. Mom and I have been calling you “Bam Bam” lately…in an affectionate and fun way. Ironically, you also look like a fighter….you had a tough year and chipped your front tooth pretty good and got your first stitches above your right eye. I have to tell you that I held you as the doctor stitched up your eye. With tears rolling down my cheek, I fully realized in that moment that I will protect you from harm, be there to comfort you and would do anything for you…always.  If I could have traded places with you I would have.  I love you so deeply, Maxwell.

Mom has done all kinds of stuff with you this past year….you love the zoo, going to the pool, Port Discovery, and hanging out with various friends on play dates. We all owe your Mom a lot. But I will tell you, as much as you can drain Mom in a day you also have put a sparkle in her eye that I have never seen. I just want you to know that another year has past that Mom has decided to stay home from work not just to watch you but to love you, make sure you experience different things and to keep you safe and happy. It is important to me that you understand this as you get older. This family could not be what it is without Mom.  And you, having Mom at home, have what many children do not have.  Not just home, but engaged and committed.  Earlier tonight I told her I was going to post your letter on my blog and she started to cry…her baby boy is growing up…Max, you are loved beyond words.

And finally, perhaps the most precious thing I have witnessed as it relates to you is watching you bond with your brother. It’s almost like I can’t articulate what it means to me to watch you two play together, fight at times, ask where each other are, and follow each other around. Of course you want to do everything your big brother does…good or bad…like jumping off the top of the couch! You love your brother and he loves you. As I said earlier you are such a sensitive being. When you have something your brother wants we watch you pause and then walk up to him and say “Here you go.” It is precious. You are precious. I can’t say enough how important it is to me that the two of you love each other, support each other and look out for each other. Not just now, but always. God forbid I am not around  20 years from now when you pick this up to read but please know this is one of the most important things to me. I am touched deeply watching the two of you interact and will do whatever it takes to have your relationship grow and evolve as brothers.  You are blessed to have each other and I never want either of you to take that for granted…never.  Forgive each other and always stand back to back to greet this world.

Before I sign off I want to say thank you….

…for honoring me by calling me your “Daddy”.

…for humbling me with your enthusiasm every time I pull up in the driveway from work or walk in the room. Whether you run to me or from me, the enthusiasm humbles me deeply.

…for being such a source of joy in our home.

…for your kisses goodbye in the morning before I go to work (I literally can not, and would not, leave without you walking me to the door and hugging and kissing me).

…for completing this Capshaw family. We would not be complete without you, Maxwell. I simply can not imagine our home without you in it.

Maxwell, my dear son, I love you and am so proud to be your father.  And, so proud of the little guy that you are. Happy Birthday. You give me reason to celebrate everyday and today I celebrate all that you are to me and this family…and all that you will be to this world.

Stay True,

Dad