It was the summer of 1989.  I was a waiter at a popular restaurant in Baltimore, Pargos.  My parents had recently bought a new Nissan Sentra to help shuttle around five kids and to get to work themselves. I was lucky enough to be able to use it to drive myself to work on that day.

I was on a two lane back road only about a mile from Pargos.  For some reason, I don’t remember why, I took my eyes off the road…

…BAM!

I slammed into the back of a car that was stopped waiting to make a left hand turn.  That car was pushed into oncoming traffic and another car went up on the curb. I sat there completely stunned staring at the hood of our Sentra that was pushed up to the windshield.

When my parents arrived on the scene I crumbled at the sight of them.  I was scared.  I had crashed their car.  I screwed up big time.  I remember my Mom and Dad simply trying to comfort me.

Later that day I was still devastated and feeling extremely guilty.  I went to my Dad and told him how sorry I was.  I will never forget his response.  He said, “Ted, did you mean to do it?  No, you didn’t.  That is why they call it an ACCIDENT.” Continue reading “Intention? Accident? The Answer Should Make a Difference”

I would get a few feet from the car in the 5th grade, turn around, and my Dad would be giving me a thumbs up.  In high school, before my football, basketball or baseball game would start, I would find my Dad in the stands, lock eyes and he would give me a thumbs up…I returned it and was ready to play.  I remember vividly walking down the ramp at the airport in Philadelphia, turning around and Dad would still be standing there giving me a thumbs up.  And even when he was dying and his body starting to wither from cancer, when I would leave his bedside, he would give me a thumbs up.  Damn it.  The tears rolling down my face as I write this scream how badly I could use a thumbs up about now. Continue reading “A Timely Thumbs Up”

I recognize that all of the readers of this blog are not on the East Coast or even in the United States.  But, where I am it is 5am and there is already about 8 inches of snow on the ground. And, we are bracing for 1 to 2 feet more.  My family is upstairs in bed so I thought I’d send a quick note out to my readers with a few things to do during the next few days…even if you are not caught in this snow storm. Continue reading “SNOW! What to Do…”

Two mornings ago at about 2am my almost 4 year old, Jaxon, crawled into bed next to me.  Jaxon shows up most early mornings next to me but on this night he must have been spooked or not feeling well.  I heard a whisper in my ear, “Daddy, I want you to hold my hand.”  I put my hand near him, he grabbed it an held it close to his chest.  Actually he held my hand tight with both of his hands.  And if I moved, he quickly pulled it closer to him.  This happened 3 more times in the next 2 hours.  I was touched and my heart was full of love and gratitude.  But, I also laid there realizing the depth of what I signed up for as his father.   Continue reading “Do You Know What You Signed Up For?”

…and consider changing your approach.

My Grandfather, my Mom’s father, was an amazing man.  A war veteran and a New York City firefighter.  But these two experiences didn’t necessarily match up with his ever so gentle approach to people.  A gentle and engaging soul.  I loved him dearly.

When my grandmother died some years ago, I flew down to Florida to attend her funeral and my approach to addressing death changed forever.  I never told my Grandfather this before he died but now, in his name, I share it with you.  After the funeral we were back at his house and he brought me into his bedroom.  He first showed me that he kept my number in his wallet because he thought I was a good person to talk to and then with his lip quivering he said this, “Ted, people keep telling me that I should be grateful that I had so many years with Grandma, but what they don’t understand is that it is just many more years to miss.” Continue reading “Read This Post Carefully…”

I know.  You are used to seeing and hearing Love Sees NO Color.  Perhaps we can flip the script a bit today.

My first job out of college was as a middle school counselor at a county school in Minnesota.  I loved that job.  I loved the kids.  I felt as if I was doing good and needed work.  I was also pretty sure I had all the answers to solve the world’s problems.  Terribly wrong, but pretty sure of myself as a young graduate 🙂 I had strong opinions and varying views on social issues.  I had a lot to learn.  I should also note that I, as before mentioned in this blog, had a lot of pent up pain revolving around race.  At this same time in the 90’s , a new slogan was popping up on shirts, bumper stickers and was plastered all over the school walls…Love Sees No Color.  I actually remember wearing the shirt.  In reflection, I was not Staying True to myself.  I fundamentally disagreed. Continue reading “LOVE SEES COLOR”

I drive a 4 cylinder Honda Accord. Great car by many measures. It’s about 6 years old, in good condition and best of all…it is paid in full. Lately I have been throwing around the idea of getting a new car. A faster car. One with a fancier name on the hood. One that would…feed my ego. Now look, I am not judging anyone that drives a nice car or that has nice things. I have nice things and my wife drives her dream car. I am judging myself. I am judging myself because when I really explore why I have been considering buying a new car it is because I have been comparing myself to other people. Whether it be people I know or the good looking guy in a BMW that pulled up next to me at the stop light. I call this a “shake my head moment”. I have to stop and shake some sense back into my brain and reconnect with myself. Continue reading “Apples to Oranges”

Being on crutches is limiting.

I have physically been on crutches several times in my life. Torn ligaments in my ankle. Knee surgery. I was surely limited in what I could do. And frustrated. But I have realized that my mental crutches have been far more crippling to me and the people in my life, than the physical ones. What the helk is a mental crutch? I will define them as, something we use as an excuse for our negative behaviors or beliefs that are limiting our potential, damaging our relationships or keeping us stagnant in our evolution. We use them as a crutch when justifying our lack of empathy, poor behavior, or for not being smart enough, worthy of love, or able to get the promotion we want.  Most, if not all of us have them. Unfortunately, I have found in my work that most of us don’t recognize them in the context of my above definition. How do they develop? Continue reading “Lose the Crutches”

About 5 months ago I was asked to sit in on an interview for my client.  I enjoy interviewing people.  Finding out the candidates story.  Figuring out if they have the required skill set and if they are a cultural fit.  In general, meeting new people and hopefully finding a great addition to the relevant team. In this particular instance we were building a recruiting team and looking for a strong addition.   The woman we were interviewing had a strong resume.  Unfortunately her interview did not follow suit.  She seemed somewhat scattered, not sure of herself or why she wanted the job, and could not articulate the potential value she could bring.  At the end of the interview when asked if she had any questions, she asked, “So do you think you will consider me for this job?”  I looked to my interviewing partner…she looked stunned at the question.  It was an uncomfortable moment.  Why?  Because the answer to her question was no.   Continue reading “The Gift of Truth”